We cannot defeat racism if we continue to allow cultural biases govern who we love or who we let our children marry. In an attempt to escape the quarantine daze, I started watching Netflix’s new reality series, Indian Matchmaking , about the often-misunderstood world of arranged marriage. At first, I really enjoyed watching and somethings search for love and marriage in this traditional manner. My friends and I laughed at snobby Aparna, cringed at the scenes with “mama’s boy” Akshay, and cried when sweet Nadia’s second suitor turned out to be an unapologetic “bro”. By the end of the eight-episode series, however, I felt nauseous. Unlike some of my white friends who watched on carefree, I was disturbed by the obvious displays of classism, ethnocentrism, and colourism in the show. Throughout the show, I could not help but notice how these ” isms” guided the matchmaker as she tried to find “suitable” potential spouses for her clients. In addition to searching for those with distinguished careers, and a slim body type, she was always on the hunt for “fair” spouses.
Dating, in particular, has become even more complicated. For Gen-Z and millennial Muslim women, that complication is exacerbated as they try to balance religion, culture and gender. Dating for Muslims can be very different from Western practices. Within Islam, a halal , or permissible, way of dating means getting parents or a third party involved early on; abstaining from casual dates, hookups and sex; and talking about marriage right off the bat.
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When Humaira Mubeen graduated from college in , she fumbled around for a place that felt true to her. We talked about everything. There was a lot of dialogue about relationships: How do you go about finding someone who is like you? A year later, those conversations led Mubeen to create the website Hipster Shaadi, its name playing off the Indian matrimonial site shaadi. Ishqr joins a host of new Muslim dating apps. With around 67 percent of American Muslims under the age of 40 and the Muslim portion of the total U.
For its members, many of whom grew up in small towns with few Muslims, dating apps help solve the problem of how to find each other. Twenty-six-year-old Amer his name and some others in this article have been changed is from an Indiana farming community home to just eight Muslim families. After a couple of months of matching and messaging, he swiped right on Virginia-based Leyali. They progressed from messaging to texting to phone calls and FaceTime dates to a coffee date in Ohio — and strong feelings soon developed on both sides.
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This copy is for your personal non-commercial use only. The ads would go on to list the age, education level, even racial background of daughters. These ads were printed in magazines aimed primarily at the South Asian diaspora, where the tradition of facilitated introductions and chaperoned courtship were a common way to arrange a marriage. They still happen in some families who want to take a more active role in helping adult kids find their life partners.
Many of my friends experienced some variation of this rishta-proposal process. My husband and I, for example, had a fusion of the traditional and modern. We were introduced by a mutual family friend, my mother was present when we first met, but after that we were left to figure things out on our own, with the understanding that our end goal was marriage.
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W hen Northern Virginia native Humaira Mubeen traveled to Pakistan earlier this year to meet with the parents of potential suitors, no one was smitten. Still, she stayed long enough to go through three rounds of interviews and reject every family. She was there on a mission; not to find a husband, but to learn how others went about getting married. Ishqr is an online dating site for millennial Muslims. Mubeen grew up in Centreville, a Washington DC suburb, with few Muslim acquaintances to relate her experiences to.
Most Muslim parents told their daughters to stop talking to Muslim boys when they reached puberty. She started making Muslim friends when she headed to George Washington University to study psychology and international affairs. It came out in October under the name Hipster Shaadi, a parody of another dating site that helps users self-segregate by religion, but also by ethnicity and caste. In the summer, Mubeen came to a crossroads. She had always dreamed of a career in foreign service.
But when she was accepted in a startup accelerator program in Philadelphia, she decided to hold off on grad school and elected instead to become a diplomat of the hearts. First, she had to get her parents to sign off on the trip. By then, she was causing them no small amount of worry.